The Family Drama Triangle

Family dynamics are complex webs of relationships, each member playing a unique role that contributes to the overall structure. A lot of times, trauma impacts the family which can inevitably lead to dysfunctional behaviors and patterns. Dr. Stephen Karpman introduced the Family Drama Triangle, a psychological framework that explores these family roles.  He labels the roles as Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer. In this blog post, we delve further into the Karpman Family Drama Triangle and the impact it has on many of my clients.  *Just a disclaimer… the following includes both knowledge of Karpman’s theory and my own observations.

First some definitions of the Three Roles in the Drama Triangle:

1. The Victim role: characterized by a sense of powerlessness and helplessness. Individuals in this role often feel victimized by circumstances or other family members. They may seek sympathy, empathy, or assistance from others, perpetuating a narrative of being at the mercy of external forces. The victim could also be identified as “The Scapegoat” or the one receiving blame/punishment from the Persecutor.  The scapegoat often internalizes the negative perceptions projected onto them by family members. Constant criticism and blame can lead to a deep-seated sense of worthlessness, contributing to low self-esteem.  Internalizing the scapegoat role may lead to a pattern of self-sabotaging behaviors.
2. The Persecutor role: the one who adopts a critical and blaming stance within the family dynamic. This role often involves assigning blame, finding faults, and imposing punishments. Persecutors may act out of frustration, seeking a sense of control by putting others down or by pointing out perceived flaws in the Victim.  The persecutor is often the abusive member of the family. Abuse could be physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, and/or neglect.
3. The Rescuer role: this role emerges as an attempt to alleviate the suffering of the Victim. Rescuers often take on a caretaker role, offering assistance, advice, or support to the Victim. While their intentions may be rooted in compassion, Rescuers can inadvertently perpetuate the Victim’s sense of helplessness and dependency often leading to a codependent relationship. While this isn’t particularly discussed in Karpman’s theory, though he does describe the interchangeability and fluidity of roles within the family dynamic, I have also observed that sometimes the rescuer can take on the role of caretaking the persecutor, often creating excuses or perpetuating blame of the victim.

Example:

To better explain these roles, I’m going to use an example of a family dynamic (in the family of origin) I often see in clients who struggle with eating disorders.  Just to be clear, there are many examples of how these roles play out- I am diving into one I see frequently.

1. Persecutor as the narcissistic mother: The narcissistic mother is characterized by self-centered behavior and intense need for admiration. Narcissistic mothers often prioritize their own needs, desires, and accomplishments over those of their children. may seek constant admiration and attention, viewing their children as extensions of themselves rather than individuals with their own identities.  Narcissistic mothers may use manipulation as a tool to control and dominate their children. This manipulation can manifest through guilt-tripping, gaslighting, emotional blackmail, and emotional volatility creating an environment of fear and uncertainty.  Love from a narcissistic mother is often conditional upon the child’s ability to meet her expectations and fulfill her needs. This conditional love can create feelings of unworthiness and a constant quest for validation.  Narcissistic mothers have a tendency to criticize, manage, and over-discipline their children.  Narcissistic mothers also tend to deliberately isolate their children, spouses, or friends to maintain control.  The narcissistic mother also puts a strong emphasis on image either by physical or moral traits.  For example, the narcissistic mother can be obsessive of her own appearance and constantly criticize her children’s appearance. She can also try to appear altruistic, benevolent, or generally just want others to think that she is an “upstanding citizen.” The narcissistic behaviors of the mother may be covert in nature- making jabs or digs that others might not notice, but hit to the heart of the intended target.
2. The Rescuer as the father/spouse, married to the narcissistic wife: In this instance, the rescuer takes on the role of caretaker to both the victim and the persecutor. The rescuer takes on the role of avoiding confrontation and “managing” the abusive dynamic. I write managing with quotation marks because while the intent may be good, the managing behavior often leads to perpetuation and enabling of the abusive behavior from the persecutor.   The rescuer in this dynamic may engage in over-compensatory behaviors to fulfill the insatiable need for validation from their narcissistic wife.  Rather than setting clear boundaries and labeling the persecutor’s behavior as harmful, the rescuer bargains within themselves creating a narrative of sympathy for the persecutor and inevitably favors the needs of the persecutor rather than the needs of the rescuer (his/herself) and the victim/scapegoat.  The rescuer often takes on the blame for issues within the relationship, even when they are not at fault. This self-sacrificing behavior reinforces the narcissistic partner’s belief in her own perfection and blamelessness.
3. The victim as the child of the narcissistic mother: The victim in this scenario has a distorted sense of self created by the blaming, controlling, and judgment of the narcissistic mother that was never tended to or corrected by the enabling rescuer parent. The victim child believes the narrative of the narcissistic mother. While there may be rebellious behavior as a form of defiance, the victim child subconsciously believes he/she is “bad” or “not enough,” that everything is his/her fault, and that his/her needs do not deserve to be met. This negative self-perception may hinder educational or career achievements, friendships or romantic relationships, and more as he/she struggles to believe in her own capabilities. The victim may turn to self-injurious behavior as a form of relief from emotional pain. These behaviors can provide temporary relief, but often exacerbate the underlying issues.  Some of these behaviors may include eating disordered behavior, self-shaming thought cycles, cutting, isolating, substance use, etc. The need for validation, often unmet within the maternal relationship, may drive individuals to seek approval from external sources. This pursuit of validation can lead to risky behaviors or unhealthy relationships.  The victim child may struggle to establish healthy connections due to trust issues and a fear of being rejected or blamed, and may unconsciously undermine their own success, mirroring the negative narratives imposed on them.  The emotional turmoil of navigating a relationship with a narcissistic mother can also impact the child’s ability to regulate their emotions. This can manifest as mood swings, anxiety, or depression, for which often the narcissistic mother punishes.

Shifting Dynamics

It is important to note the fluidity of roles.  Family members can seamlessly shift between being a Victim, Persecutor, or Rescuer, creating a dynamic and often chaotic cycle. For example, a family member may start as a Rescuer, attempting to help a perceived Victim, but may later become frustrated and transition into a Persecutor role if the Victim does not respond as expected.  There are also traits each can exhibit making it hard to distinguish between the roles.  For example, a sense of self-pity or a “woe is me” narrative, attention seeking behaviors, and a strong emphasis on external validation can be common in all 3 roles. Blurred boundaries can also be a trait of all 3 roles, each experiencing enmeshment with all or one of the other roles.

Change is Possible

Each role has its own work to do in healing the family dynamics.  All roles need to acknowledge the need for trauma healing and recognize that unhealed trauma results in perpetuating painful dynamics.  The persecutor needs to accept responsibility for the ways their behaviors negatively impact others and hold willingness to apologize and mend.  The rescuer needs to recognize their enabling behaviors, set clear and healthy boundaries and prioritize self-care.  The victim needs to develop their own self-worth, identify and replace self-sabotaging behaviors, and learn ways to trust and maintain healthy relationships.  Breaking free from these patterns requires intervention, often involving therapy with lots of self-awareness and willingness to do the hard work.

Conclusion

The Karpman Family Drama Triangle provides a valuable framework for understanding the complex interplay of roles within families. By recognizing these patterns, families can take proactive steps to break free from destructive cycles and foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships. It is through awareness, communication, and a commitment to change that families can navigate the intricate dynamics of the Drama Triangle and build a foundation for positive growth and connection.

At Brighter Minds Therapy, we support you in healing from painful family dynamics. Reach out today if this resonates with you, and begin your healing journey.