Steps to Increase Joy Today
Why is it so hard to have fun?
I often hear my clients talk about how overwhelmed they feel by life’s demands and therefore seem to have little time for engaging in activities that bring them joy. It can be hard to justify doing something fun, or just for yourself especially if you have family or friends or work relying on you. For individuals who struggle with anxiety, depression, trauma (or all of the above) it can be really difficult to relax and to give yourself permission to enjoy life. Often our bodies struggle with the concept of enjoyment, sometimes it doesn’t feel safe, or it feels selfish, or childish, etc.
People with anxiety and perfectionistic tendencies often find it hard to have fun because they may feel a constant need to be productive, in control, or meeting high standards, even in their leisure time. For those with perfectionism, fun activities can feel like a waste of time if they don’t have a clear purpose or outcome. Anxiety may also cause them to worry about the consequences of taking a break, fearing they’ll fall behind or not measure up to their own or others' expectations. This drive for perfection can make it difficult to relax, as they may feel pressure to do everything “right,” even in moments meant for enjoyment. These tendencies can turn fun activities into another source of stress, rather than a chance to unwind and recharge.
People who feel depressed often struggle with doing something fun because depression can drain motivation, energy, and interest in activities that were once enjoyable. This lack of pleasure, known as anhedonia, is a common symptom of depression, making even the idea of engaging in fun activities seem overwhelming or pointless. Depression often distorts thinking, leading to negative beliefs like “It won’t make me feel better” or “I don’t deserve to have fun.” The heavy emotional weight of sadness, guilt, or hopelessness can create barriers to action, making it hard for someone to initiate or enjoy leisure activities, even though these moments of joy can be crucial for lifting mood and breaking the cycle of depression.
People who have experienced trauma may struggle to engage in fun activities because trauma can leave them feeling unsafe or hypervigilant, making it difficult to relax or enjoy pleasurable moments. Trauma often alters the brain’s response to stress, leaving individuals stuck in "survival mode," where their focus is on staying alert to potential threats rather than allowing themselves to feel joy or spontaneity. Fun activities, which require openness and emotional presence, can feel unfamiliar or even threatening when someone has learned to associate relaxation with vulnerability. Additionally, feelings of guilt, shame, or unworthiness stemming from the trauma can prevent them from believing they deserve to experience happiness or pleasure, creating emotional barriers to engaging in enjoyable activities.
Common negative cognitions around having fun:
Here’s a list of common negative cognitions around taking time for rest and fun:
"I don't deserve to take a break."
"Resting is lazy and unproductive."
"There’s too much to do; I can't waste time on fun."
"Taking time for myself is selfish."
"I need to keep pushing to succeed."
"If I relax, I’ll fall behind or fail."
"Others will judge me for not working hard enough."
"I’m not doing enough to earn downtime."
"Fun is only for people who don't have responsibilities."
"I should be productive every minute of the day."
"Rest is a sign of weakness."
"I can only relax once everything is perfect or done."
"If I take time off, I’ll lose momentum."
These thoughts can lead to chronic stress, burnout, and decreased overall well-being, which is why it’s essential to challenge them and embrace the value of rest and fun.
Why should I try to have fun?
Engaging in activities that bring us joy is a really good way to do that. The more we practice joyful activities, the easier it is to feel joy and happiness and the more we distract our minds from the endless to-do lists, the easier our brain can experience peace.
These moments of joy and relaxation serve as a counterbalance to the stresses of daily life, helping to reduce anxiety, depression, and burnout. When we allow ourselves to participate in activities we enjoy—whether it's a hobby, spending time with loved ones, or simply having fun—it releases dopamine and endorphins, the "feel-good" chemicals in the brain. This can improve mood, increase motivation, and create a sense of happiness that positively affects other areas of life.
Life’s demands, whether from work, family, or personal responsibilities, can often feel overwhelming. Without regular breaks for enjoyment, we risk depleting our emotional and physical energy, leading to chronic stress or even burnout. By intentionally setting aside time for recreation, we give ourselves the opportunity to recharge, which not only supports mental health but can also enhance productivity and creativity when we return to our daily routines.
Ultimately, making time for fun is not just a luxury—it’s a necessity for nurturing mental health and achieving a well-rounded, fulfilling life.
Here’s a list of positive reframes for the common negative cognitions around taking time for rest and fun:
"I deserve to take a break to recharge and care for myself."
"Resting is a vital part of being productive and maintaining my well-being."
"Taking time for fun helps me return to my tasks with renewed energy and focus."
"Caring for myself allows me to be more present and supportive to others."
"Pushing myself too hard can lead to burnout; balance is essential for success."
"Relaxation is an investment in my long-term productivity and creativity."
"Others will understand the importance of self-care and the benefits it brings."
"I earn my downtime by working hard; self-care is part of the process."
"Everyone deserves time for fun, regardless of their responsibilities."
"Using my time wisely includes making room for rest and enjoyment."
"Rest is a sign of strength; it helps me sustain my efforts."
"I can enjoy my downtime while still working toward my goals."
"Taking time off can actually enhance my momentum and creativity."
Here is a list of some pleasurable activities to give you some inspiration:
Listening to music or creating a playlist
Reading a book or magazine just for fun
Journaling or creative writing
Drawing, painting, or crafting
Dancing to your favorite songs
Watching a funny movie or TV show
Gardening or tending to plants
Practicing yoga or meditation
Trying a new hobby (e.g., knitting, photography)
Playing a musical instrument
Exploring a new part of town or visiting a park
Meeting up with friends or family for a casual hangout
Doing a puzzle, crossword, or brain games
Going for a bike ride
Taking a relaxing bath or doing a skincare routine
Volunteering for a cause you care about
Visiting a museum, gallery, or local attraction
Attending a live event (concert, play, or sporting event)
Playing a board game or video game
Practicing mindfulness or deep breathing exercises
Learning something new (e.g., taking an online course)
Spending time with pets or visiting an animal shelter
Exploring a new coffee shop or restaurant
Going for a walk in nature.
Cooking a delicious recipe.
Conclusion
Incorporating even small moments of these activities can make a big difference in mental well-being and add more joy to daily life. If it feels too difficult to plan a grand event, try adding just 15 minutes of a pleasurable activity to your day.
For individuals with trauma, depression, or anxiety it may take deeper processing to get there.
Here is a simple worksheet to help you work on this goal!
Would you like support in navigating difficult feelings around taking time to have fun? Reach out today for an initial 15 minute consultation.
