Radical Acceptance
Introduction: What is Radical Acceptance?
Radical Acceptance is a Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) concept that can be quite difficult to cultivate, but extremely rewarding. It is the idea that resistance to acceptance perpetuates your own suffering. At its core, Radical Acceptance is about acknowledging reality without judgment or resistance. It involves fully accepting things as they are, rather than fighting against them.
The is a misconception that radical acceptance means you are forced to accept that bad things in the world and become a passive participant. Radical Acceptance does not encourage passivity, rather, it encourages you to work from a place of empowerment- recognizing what is in your control.
To practice Radical Acceptance, It is important to first acknowledge what is in your control versus what isn’t in your control. And then we will dive a little more into specific principles. Here is a circle graph I have used a lot with clients to act as a visual reminder:
Essentially- you are the only thing you control. Everyone else and everything else is outside of your control.
The Principles of Radical Acceptance:
Acknowledging Reality:
Radical Acceptance begins with acknowledging the reality of what you are resisting. This involves an honest and non-judgmental observation of your thoughts, feelings, and circumstances. By understanding and accepting the reality of your situation, you can create a foundation for positive change.
Start by noticing any resistance. The following statements could be an indicator that you are resisting reality:
“If only….”
“I wish that….”
“It’s not fair….”
“I should have….”
“I shouldn’t have to….”
“If I didn’t have to…. Then I would….”
“Why did he/she have to….”
For example, “If I didn’t grow up being taught to eat a lot of sweets, I wouldn’t have issues with craving sweets all the time.” While that statement might be true, staying stuck on the unfairness of not being taught to eat healthily does not create motivation or momentum. Change requires accepting that as your past reality and then deciding how you will move forward, letting go of the resentment and frustration. So, after having that thought, a radical acceptance follow up thought could be, “I recognize that there is a reason I crave sweets a lot. While that is true, I can also work through my cravings and create the changes I need to make healthier decisions. I can remove sweets from my house, and only eat them on occasion. When I experience an urge, I can eat a piece of fruit. If I am feeling frustrated I can go on a walk…..” And etc.
Letting Go of Control:
Often, our emotional struggles stem from an inherent desire to control every aspect of our lives or even others’ lives. Radical Acceptance challenges this need for control, encouraging us to let go of the illusion of absolute power. By surrendering to the flow of life, we open ourselves up to unexpected opportunities and outcomes. When you notice resistance to accepting reality, first notice what the resistance is, acknowledge and validate your emotional experience, practice breathing through it, and then redirect your thoughts to what you can control.
Finding Balance:
Radical Acceptance doesn't mean resigning yourself to a passive existence. On the contrary, it invites you to find a balance between acknowledging reality and taking steps towards positive change. This equilibrium is crucial for personal growth and empowerment. Part of acceptance is also acknowledging what your emotional experience is, validating that experience, and then choose to move forward. It is staying stuck that signifies resistance and causes suffering.
Cultivating Mindfulness:
Mindfulness plays a pivotal role in Radical Acceptance. By staying present in the moment, you can observe your thoughts and feelings without attaching judgment. Mindfulness allows you to create distance from negative emotions and encourages a compassionate perspective towards yourself. Practice noticing your thoughts as if they are something separate from you like luggage on a conveyor belt, or a train passing by, or clouds in the sky- they are there, you can notice them, but they aren’t touching you. Label them as “just a thought,” or “just an emotion.” Practicing detachment from thoughts and emotions allows you to gain perspective, and practice radical acceptance effectively. It allows you to realize there are truths beyond the immediate reaction. And you can control how you think and what you feel past the immediate emotional reaction.
An Example:
Let’s say you are a professional with a successful and exciting career, and you one day you face an unexpected twist when your company undergoes restructuring and eliminates your position. The news hits you hard and you experience anxiety, frustration and a sense of injustice. Maybe you find yourself in a whirlwind of negative emotions, constantly questioning why this happened and ruminating on the perceived injustice of the situation. The fear of the unknown and the loss of stability amplifies your distress, making it difficult for you to see beyond the immediate challenges.
The frustration and anxiety and other emotional experiences are definitely valid, but perseverating on this does not encourage forward motion. If you stay stuck there, you prolong your suffering by putting your emotional energy into something you cannot control. You can’t control the company’s decision or other external circumstances that led to the job loss. What you can control is your ability to accept what has happened and make actionable steps to create the change you need to make.
The principles of Radical Acceptance enabled you to navigate change with grace, resilience, and a positive outlook on the possibilities that lay ahead.
The Benefits of Radical Acceptance:
Reduced Emotional Suffering:
Fighting against reality often leads to emotional turmoil. Radical Acceptance helps in reducing emotional suffering by fostering a sense of peace and serenity. It allows you to navigate life's challenges with greater resilience and emotional intelligence.
Helps Create Change Behavior:
This newfound perspective enables a clearer understanding of present realities without the burden of unnecessary emotional resistance. By acknowledging and accepting the current state of affairs, individuals create a space for intentional and purposeful action. This shift in perception promotes adaptive behaviors, encouraging individuals to respond to challenges with resilience, creativity, and a proactive approach. Radical Acceptance thus becomes a cornerstone for transformative behavior change, empowering individuals to navigate life's complexities with grace and openness to positive growth.
Improved Relationships:
By accepting others as they are, you pave the way for healthier and more authentic connections. Radical Acceptance extends beyond self-acceptance to embracing the diversity of human experiences, fostering empathy and understanding in your relationships. It requires that you let go of trying to control another’s thoughts, actions, or emotions, and redirect your attention to what is in your control, which is essentially your own thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
Enhanced Problem-Solving:
When you accept reality without judgment, you free up mental space to focus on constructive problem-solving. Radical Acceptance empowers you to approach challenges with a clear mind, making it easier to find effective solutions.
Conclusion:
In the journey towards healing and self-discovery, Radical Acceptance emerges as a powerful guiding principle. By embracing the reality of the present moment, letting go of the need for control, and cultivating mindfulness, you can unlock a profound sense of liberation. As you incorporate these principles into your life, you'll find that Radical Acceptance not only transforms your relationship with yourself but also has a ripple effect on your interactions with the world.
Reach out to Brighter Minds Therapy today to begin your Radical Acceptance and Healing Journey!
