Nurturing Self Trust: Unraveling the Complexity Behind the Hesitation to Trust Ourselves
I often witness individuals grappling with a common struggle: the difficulty of trusting themselves. The journey to self-trust is a complex and delicate one, often influenced by past experiences, including trauma. In this blog post, I will delve into the intricacies of why it can be hard to trust ourselves and shed light on trauma-informed insights that can aid in fostering a deeper sense of self- empowerment.
The Impact of Past Experiences
Our ability to trust ourselves is deeply shaped by our past experiences. Positive experiences, such as receiving validation and support, tend to foster more self-trust. As a young child, when you receive affirmation and praise, you don’t have to doubt yourself. However, negative experiences, especially those involving trauma, can erode our confidence in ourselves. One might approach the world with fear-based perspectives, and never feel certain of their value, leading you to doubt yourself.
a) Betrayal and Trust Violations: Experiencing betrayal or breaches of trust in relationships can leave lasting imprints on our psyche. Trust violations can create a sense of vulnerability and reluctance to trust our judgment. For example, you might doubt your ability to trust your instincts if you find yourself in a hurtful situation, wondering if “better judgment” would have protected you.
b) Traumatic Events: Trauma, whether from childhood abuse, accidents, or other distressing experiences, can create profound self-doubt and a sense of powerlessness. Survivors of trauma may question their ability to make decisions and feel disconnected from their intuition.
Internalized Shame and Self-Criticism
Internalized shame and self-criticism play significant roles in undermining self-trust. When we internalize negative beliefs about ourselves, they can become a lens through which we view our actions and choices:
a) "Not Good Enough" Narrative: The belief of not being good enough can lead to constant self-doubt and second-guessing. Individuals may fear making mistakes or taking risks, fearing further confirmation of their inadequacy.
b) Fear of Judgment: Worrying about how others perceive us can hinder self-trust. The fear of judgment can lead to suppressing authentic feelings and needs, resulting in a disconnect from our inner selves.
Feeling Disconnected from Inner Wisdom
In the midst of life's chaos and external influences, it's easy to lose touch with our inner wisdom and intuition. Society often places greater emphasis on seeking external validation, and using logic or strategy to make decisions leading us to rely less on our own instincts:
a) Disregarding Intuition: Ignoring our gut feelings can contribute to feelings of unease and mistrust in our decision-making abilities. Learning to reconnect with our intuition is vital to rebuilding self-trust.
b) Seeking Constant External Validation: Constantly seeking approval from others can leave us feeling reliant on external opinions, rather than trusting our internal compass. Especially if you feel doubtful of your capability or ability to make good decisions, it is easy to rely on others to direct our choices.
c) Hypervigilance: Hypervigilance, anxiety and other symptoms of trauma can make it extremely difficult to know the difference in inner wisdom versus other inner dialogues that might be rooted in fear. It can lead to feeling constant inner chaos, also making it difficult to be silent and reflect on your thoughts.
The Healing Journey: Trauma-Informed Insights
As a therapist, I emphasize the importance of a trauma-informed approach to address challenges with self-trust. Here are some insights to guide the healing journey:
a) Compassion and Empathy: Practicing self-compassion and empathy towards yourself can counteract the effects of shame and self-criticism. Acknowledging that we are human and deserving of kindness allows us to embrace imperfections and grow. As humans we are not perfect. We will not always make the best choices, and we will experience hurt and pain, no matter the choices we make.
b) Safe Exploration of Trauma: For those impacted by trauma, creating a safe space to explore and process past experiences is crucial. Trauma-informed therapies like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing or Internal Family Systems can facilitate healing and pave the way to rebuilding trust. I like to visualize the healing process as brushing away the cobwebs and paving a trail to the “true self”, making it easier overtime to directly access the “true self.” The true self is the part of you that is confident despite uncertainty, holds your inner wisdom, knows how to love, and care for yourself, and experiences inner peace. I believe we all have the true self, we have just lost constant connection to it from painful experiences.
c) Mindfulness and Self-Reflection: Mindfulness practices and self-reflection help us become more attuned to our thoughts and emotions. Cultivating self-awareness enables us to differentiate between negative internalized beliefs and our true selves.
d) Setting Boundaries: Establishing healthy boundaries in relationships and life pursuits helps protect our well-being and fosters self-trust. It empowers us to prioritize our needs and values without feeling guilty. It is common for my clients to experience a sense of identity in being there for others for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it feels safer to care for others than to care for ourselves, sometimes we don’t believe in our own worth as much as we believe in the worth of others, sometimes the way we were raised leads us to believe we are only good if we help others, and many more reasons. Learning to navigate interpersonal relationships in healthy ways can help you rebuild a sense of self along with trust in yourself.
Conclusion
Trusting ourselves is an intricate and profound journey shaped by past experiences, including trauma. Understanding the impact of these experiences, along with practicing self-compassion, mindfulness, and setting boundaries, can guide us towards reconnecting with our inner wisdom and intuition. As a therapist, I am committed to supporting individuals on their path to healing, empowering them to embrace their unique strengths, and nurture the self-trust needed to navigate life's challenges with confidence and resilience. Remember, the journey to self-trust is ongoing, and every step towards embracing ourselves with love and acceptance is a step towards growth and self-empowerment.
